...and then there are the margins....

today i was on the max and a girl hopped on and began to ask riders if they had any spare change. including me. i said that i was sorry but i didn't, and as she walked away, i realized that i had $5 in my back pocket. i could have easily walked over and handed it to her but i didn't. i sat still and rode to my meeting with bridgetown- a leadership meeting about how we could better fulfill our mission statement: loving people because people matter. you know what the worst thing about it was? i was kind of relieved, because i realized that i had money for starbucks with me.
on the way home, after the meeting, i was on the max once again, and i began to wonder. this young girl (she looked younger than me) was dirty. it had obviously been a few days since she had been able to take a shower, and her clothes and hair gave testimony to that. i wondered if that girl was clean if all of us on that train would have offered to help her out? but she wasn't. this girl was in the margins. how in the world did we ever get the absolute nerve to set those up? Jesus never abided to the rules of society and our margins. and i have serious doubts that if He were to show up one day on the earth and take a walk around, He would be spending time with me. no, He'd be in the margins.
and i want so badly to meet Him there, to break down those walls. but ever since arriving here, i've realized that there is no way i'd be able to do that out of my own free-will. my mind-set is too twisted to ever do that with a sincere heart and sound mind. i NEED Him. i DESIRE the mindset of Jesus Christ. being here is showing me just how crazy and counter-cultural Jesus was and IS.
this city is so uncomfortable for me, because it is teeming with those that we've placed in the margins, and those people are aware of it. this is not safe, it is not comfortable, it is not a stroll in the park. this is hard. but it is worth it.
i'm feeling these growing pains in my soul. i'm being humbled. it hurts. a lot. but i think, for this reason, i need to be here.