I was reading my journal tonight and found two entries that describe the lessons I've been reaping this summer pretty well. They were written about 2 weeks ago and they're pretty much word for word.

July 27, 2009
"This summer has not been what I thought it was going to be. I had it in my mind that when I came back from Oregon, I would be super-Christian. I would get off the plane and it would be as if the sun or stars themselves had just arrived. Super-Christian. I'd answer every call of the Holy Spirit, I would be fearless, kind, and incredibly beautiful and in shape (because of course I would work out every day) *sidenote-this did not happen.* :) I would be captivating-beautiful. And I think there was this hope that if I could just reach that level of perfection, my friends would finally love me....and finally, finally, finally Jesus would love me too.
But, the thing is, the main lesson isn't one about how to make everyone love me. It's that Jesu already loves me. I'm the one that's been resistant to Him, not the other way around. I think it's just been really scary for me to latch on to that love. The thing about a crazy love like that is to accept it is to commit to it, to trust it. To fully love it back. But the amazing part of this love is that it always loves you back. It's not a "single-level" Love either. Though, I've noticed, so many treat it that way. It's a Love that invites you to grow and to be.
Serving people isn't hard. I've often wondered why people have been amazed by that concept. It's not difficult. Loving people and serving them because you, yourself, recognize that you are and have been loved and served by Christ- that's hard...I was thinking yesterday, about how I wished I was staying in Portland longer so I could learn more and do more. As if Christ was somehow contained to a state or a city...the great thing is that I can carry the concept of Night-Strike anywhere and everywhere-even to Adrian. I have had quite a few lazy moments this summer. But God has been teaching me about them. I love that I am following Him and I am incredibly grateful. Growth is good. My beauty is real. And His love? Genuine and completely trustworthy. In Him, there is no fear or hate or worry. Because He is good."



I may post the other enty later, but not tonight, I've decided.