Life is such an interesting thing. There are days when it can be the most exciting thing in the world, full of adventure, new experiences, and interesting people. Then there are those other days when it is boring, those times when the day is quiet and you're quiet, and you really don't want to do anything.
For the past couple of weeks, I've been thinking a lot about life and what it entails. I've come across so many adults 20-30 years older than myself who say, "With what I know now, I would give anything to be in your shoes." That breaks my heart. Am I going to be 50 and wish I could go back to age 19? I hope not. Does everyone feel that way? Or is it possible to gain the knowledge that those older than me talk about, so I can experience now what they wish they could have at my age? I think it's possible.
My first year of college was great and terrible at the same time. I heard a quote once that said,

"To lose oneself on the journey is, indeed, unfortunate. But to lose the purpose for the journey is a tragedy even more grave."

A powerful statement. I wonder if you can lose your purpose without losing yourself? Or vice-versa? When it all boils down, aren't they the same thing? Anyway, I forgot who I was this year. What my purpose was, what I liked and why I liked those things. And that...that is tragic. So I left. Yes, I came to Portland for an internship, but I left for more than just to work. See, Bridgetown represented something for me, and still represents something for me. The girl I once was and the woman that I'm becoming. So I left. The mistake I made was that Alyssa was in Portland, and if I left, I'd find her. What I've realized since that time is that I'm with me wherever I go. This might be very obvious for some people, but I think for the majority, we forget.
So what have I learned so far? The answer to that is kind of complicated. I guess for one, I've realized that I'm most like myself when I'm around people. And I'm at my happiest when I'm with kids. Bridgetown just launched their brand new B-Town Kidz site last week and I got to be on the ground floor of the project. It was awesome. I've met so many amazing children! White, black, Hispanic, Muslim, Christian, and the list goes on. It's the best. I'm so lucky to be able to hang out with them. Some are quiet, others outgoing, others skeptical. But they're all children and I love each of them! I'm helping out with the site, but I'm not the intern in charge of it, so I get to just go hang out with them, learn their names, learn their likes, their dislikes, and hope they remember my name next week. :)
I feel closest to Christ when I'm loving on them. I want to do that forever. I like doing Nightstrike, I have some really interesting conversations. But that's not what pulls at my heartstrings and brings me consistently to the feet of Christ in awe. No, it's when I'm playing with Laloni, Jonathan, Stephanie, Callie, Rashan, Stefan, and Chase. In their world of broken promises and unfulfilled hopes, I get to be part of a ministry that shows them the love and faithfulness of the God who is already working in their lives. Who already knows their hopes and dreams. All I have to do is do the same. And that's the best. And it's that that is going to make leaving so incredibly hard.